Consider Need
By
There are... procedures that must be followed.
First, he has to find
her - and that's not as easy as you might think. She is incredibly random in her wanderings,
so random that he sometimes wonders whether there is an underlying pattern, and
what use would that knowledge be to him if it were
so. He doesn't like chaos, at any rate,
so thinking chaotically is not his forte.
Good practice, but not a pleasant one.
Actually, the above is a Lie - one of the few ones
he feels uncomfortable making. First he
has to decide to go find her. This means that he has to decide that he
needs something from her; which means that he has to decide to admit that
somebody else has something that he lacks, which implies imperfection on his
behalf. And, of course, he is perfect,
which means that he doesn't need to go find her after all.
Except when he does, anyway.
After the circumlocutions are done, the next step is
to assure mutual survival. He is confident
that he could kill her - she is not
the One like Him, after all - but it
is necessary for his plans that she be alive, and powerful, and mad. The thought of his child's copy, slave's
imitation of her suddenly free and unchecked worries even him, so he must be
careful. But that means, indirectly,
that for any of this to have any meaning he must
be vulnerable to her. Vulnerable enough
to be hurt, assuredly; and even he finds it difficult to separate that out from
"vulnerable enough to be killed."
And, of course, there are her desires to contemplate; too brief an
encounter, and she will not be sated enough not to pursue like a moth to the
Light when he chooses to disengage. Too
long of one, and he risks a return of her lucidity - which would be even more
of a long-term disaster to him than her death.
But it is worth it.
Even in these degenerate times, He
still looks through her eyes. No one else. Only her. Which means
that him going to her is the only way left to come
into His presence with any pretense
of proper Pride. The superficial might
look at the... circumstances and think differently, but that is foolish. The... circumstances are merely ritual, made
devoid of deeper meaning by his willingness to scornfully ape them. The important part is when he decides that he
has chosen to have enough, then gets
up, and walks away without looking back at her, and Him. Non serviam.
That is what it is all about, in the end. A reminder that he still
will not serve.
Not that he needs to do this, of course. For is he not perfect, already?