Twisted Mutant Son of Jack Chick In Nomine -
BACKWARDS!!!!!
So, you wanted something out that could be played
for a while, huh?
Careful what you wish for...
Hell wakes up one morning to find that Heaven has
moved in.
Hi-jinks ensue.
It happened fairly suddenly: one second, Heaven and
Hell were two separate entities, and the next... they weren't.
The transition event was smooth enough, actually -
but everybody in Heaven, and their stuff, and their Cathedrals
(this is important) got translated down into Hell. Yup, right into the middle of billions of demons and damned
souls, virtually all of whom were nursing a serious mad-on about the universe
in general and the Host in particular.
Now, this did not result in a bloodbath,
oddly enough. First off, one of the
things that came along for the ride was the Light of Heaven; the first demons
to cross the barrier into the translated Cathedrals found it to be just as debilitating
as a Tether locus. Oops. This wouldn't have mattered for long, of
course - that what human wave tactics are for - except for the second
factor; Lucifer called for a temporary truce.
You see, if there's something that the Prince of
Darkness hates, it's the sight of somebody succeeding where he's failed - and
look who seemed to have taken up residence in the broom-clean Heaven but a
certain glowing light bulb deity and a bearded guy in a nylon white robe? Being prevented from one's birthright by
other celestials is one thing; being upstaged by a couple of obvious ethereals
is another thing entirely. It was
apparently enough for Lucifer to reluctantly call a time out (although the
incipient bloodbath might have helped, too).
Pride's a bugger, huh?
Naturally, it took a bit of fiddling, debate and
various knives held to various throats before a suitable modus operandi
was reached (much like the Legion War, really). The resulting compromise, oddly enough, can be expressed as ten
(or eleven) general principles:
1). The current 'evil' that we're in takes
precedence over everything else: YOU DO NOT HAVE A CHOICE IN THIS MATTER. Hell collectively insisted that the Malakim
all be told this, over and over again, until it sunk into their fanatical
little minds.
2). No
poaching. No kidnapping of
damned/blessed souls, no chirpy paeans about the virtues of selflessness /
selfishness and no attempts at brainwashing.
3). No
ferreting out secrets. Everybody
has to keep their eyes to themselves.
4). Do
Not Taunt Happy Fun Celestials.
Heaven insisted on this one; Hell grudgingly agreed to keep the more
egregious demonic lifestyle choices under control.
5). No
payback. It was the only way to get
most of the former demons/angels out of hiding.
6). The
sooner we all get out of this, the happier we're all going to be, so cooperate
with each other, dammit. You'd be
amazed about how many celestials had to be told this.
7). No
tricks. Yes, Michael, we are
looking at you. That means no
ambushes or time bombs thoughtfully prepared 'for later', among other things.
8). Dominic
and Asmodeus, kindly put away your notebooks.
Now. It's rare to see such
unanimity take place between demons and angels, but everybody agreed
with this one.
9). Yves
and Kronos, would it be too much to ask that, just this one time, you drop the
mystical Zen Master act and simply explain what the Hell is going on
here? Well, at least try, OK?
They all agreed about this one, too.
10). [Insert
Archangel here] / [Insert Archangel's Princely Nemesis here], HEEL! Not that it wouldn't be interesting to
watch, but the universe is going nuts right now.
And, of course, there's Rule #11:
Don't get caught.
It should be mentioned that, for the duration,
Heaven and Hell are pretty much intertwined.
Nobody's got a core area to play with, which is yet another reason why
there wasn't an immediate fight. To get
from one Cathedral/Principality to the other, you've got to cross the Other
Side's territory. This pleases nobody,
believe you me.
Where did they end up?
Blandine ended up with her Tower in full and direct
contact with Beleth's, smack dab in the middle of the Vale. The positive/negative charge is so strong
that Servitors of Dreams/Nightmares have to constantly watch out lest they
accidentally stick to the walls.
David's Catacombs are currently lurking (in every
sense of the word) under Stygia. Demons
in that Principality seem to be careful where they step these days, no matter
what the Rules say...
Dominic's Celestial Tribunal is, of course,
currently looming over Asmodeus' Palace.
There doesn't seem to be much tension there: curious, huh?
Eli's Cathedral is on the on the border between
Shal-Mari and Perdition. He's actually
back (for the moment, at least) and most assuredly does not look happy about
it.
Gabriel is almost certainly in Sheol: other than
that, it's hard to say what's going on there, thanks to the mile high curtain
of fire that currently encircles the place.
Belial still seems to be in one piece, though, so apparently she's
behaving. For now.
Janus is also in Stygia; he's been seen in the same
room as Valefor, so there goes that theory.
Jean's Hall of Progress is encased in a concentric
set of force fields, smack dab in the middle of Tartarus. The Vapulans don't seem to mind; indeed,
they're quite cheerful as they set up the sensor arrays...
Jordi's Savannah is currently surrounding Abaddon. Nobody has yet tested the strength of the
Rules when it comes to dealing with crossing over.
Laurence's Church of the Sword (and Halls of
Worship) is just outside the Gates of Hell. No doubt the Archangel of the Sword
has privately decided that Rule #1 applies to him as well, despite the fact
that nobody is currently available who can legitimately tell him what to
do. No doubt at all, but you could go
ask him, of course: what, no? Wise of
you.
Marc was very, very sorry that the arrival of
Commerce Park did such expensive property damage to Mammon's Bank, but it
wasn't as if he had done it deliberately, of course. Odd that his offers of help were so rebuffed: such is life,
though. In the mean time, he's let his
Servitors do some sightseeing, in stark contrast to most of his colleagues:
such fascinating architecture they have here.
Wait, let me get a picture...
Michael would have ended up in Gehenna no matter where
his part of the Groves had ended up.
There's an interesting dynamic going on over there...
Novalis' Glade is currently the only 'safe' way in
or out of Abaddon. No, she's too nice
to use this to Put The Boot In. Much.
Yves' Library and Kronos' Archive are now annexes
(annexi?) to each other. Beth has
stated that the current perimeter of razor wire, security checkpoints, machine
gun emplacements and pots of boiling oil is only there 'to minimize the chance
of an accidental reorganization'. You
have to work to get a librarian's attention, you see.
Well, Tethers still work, thankfully: indeed,
everybody that was even remotely Saint material have been given vessels and
sent to the corporeal plane. The rest
of the blessed souls mostly stay dead center in the middle of their Cathedrals,
but can you blame them?
The Angels of Final Judgement have been very busy
lately, in a metaphorical sort of way; apparently, the Host have been getting
their mail forwarded - for the moment, at least - so blessed souls have been
showing up in the middle of the damned.
They're currently staying at the Halls of Worship, thus adding even more
to Laurence's headache.
The only part of the ethereal plane easily
accessible to celestials is the Vale.
Nybbas has managed to regain contact with some operatives of his that
were working in the Marches proper at the time of the Incident, but they're
having as much trouble getting in as the Host and Horde have in getting
out. This is complicated by the fact
that said operatives are also too often busy running for their lives to
actually stop and chat.
Then, there's the Tsayadim. Don't bother asking how contact was remade,
OK? Nobody will tell you, so deal. It's
enough that they were able to get what pictures exist of the Area Formerly
Known as the Home of the Host. Yup,
Light Bulb guy on a throne, bearded guy in a nylon robe and a pitiful few
number of humans with nastily smug looks on their faces. Oh, yeah, Jacob's Ladder is gone, too. That isn't good.
Finally, need I say that this isn't a stable
situation, by any stretch of the imagination?
I didn't
think so.
Does it matter?
Yes.
Bah. Fine,
fine, I'll give you one scenario: if you don't like it, make up your own.
Obviously, someone has worked out a way to
give an ethereal a really, really big bolt of juice: the weirdness of the
ethereal plane is diagnostic, if nothing else.
It doesn't necessarily prove the hoary old 'God is a souped-up ethereal'
theory, mind: whoever it was might have just stumbled onto something that
worked just as well. So, find power
source, interrupt power source and go back home.
Alas, the goofiness that's going around seems to be
helping this unseen Someone. People are
starting to believe in the Divine Light Bulb, which means that he's
maintaining enough energy to keep the Host out of Heaven and even possibly
spawn 'angels', in how many numbers you need.
It looks like you'll need those pesky demons after all; frankly, they've
got more institutional knowledge on how to tempt. It's a good thing that following this 'religion' of Chick's is so
blessed hard...
I would recommend against letting the PCs solve the
problem simply by finding Mr. Chick and beating sixteen kinds of crap out of
him. I'm not saying that you should
prevent them, mind - just don't let it solve the problem. Solving the problem should entail the above
short-circuiting of the burgeoning Church of Chickites (Chicklets?), as well as
somehow finding a way to get a host of the Host back into Heaven so that they
can start kicking ass.
Fascinating, But What I Meant Was, So, How Did It Happen?
Oh, that's easy enough:
Random PC: "So, sir, what caused this?"
Jean: "It is not simple to explain..."
Vapula: "What are you talking
about? It's easy to
explain! Obviously, what we have hear
is a case where the regular flow of belief particles were tapped by Essence
dams in key metaphysical areas, causing a buildup in the local theological
matrix; when the backwash was high enough, a carefully aligned ley matrix array
was initiated, causing the immediate heterodyning of the positive and negative
celestial poles. The continuing
turbulence in the belief flows retains enough latent energy to maintain the
condition. Quite elegant, really."
(pause)
Jean (with a tightening of lips): "What.
He. Said."
See? No
problem at all.
Right, Now That We've Got That Settled...
Time to play, people: this can go for as long as you
like. The PCs are obviously going to be
tasked with helping to figure out just what on Earth happened, and how to fix
it. This will be hampered by the fact
that they'll be in constant contact with their regular enemies for extended
periods of time; sure, they're supposed to be working together, but hey, lots
of things are supposed to be.
Unless, of course, they get tasked with implementing
actions based on the spirit of Rule #11.
That sort of thing can be fun, but the more that each side does, the
likelier it gets that the whole situation blows up - which, truth be told,
could be interesting, too. A bit of a
campaign ender, but some of you may be looking for just that very thing. Of course, even if one side loses and the
other is still standing, the problem isn't going to go away, so maybe it isn't
a campaign ender after all.
Then there's the potential for pitched battles in
the corporeal plane, as well; take the Old Testament Angels from the previous
scenario for the baddies, give them all the Attunements that your players are
habitually fond of abusing, and go to town.
Don't be afraid to devastate whole countries in the process: that sort
of thing fits the spirit oozing from every Jack Chick comic tract, and toppling
skyscrapers and oceans of blood have a certain appeal on their own merits.
Still, eventually you'll probably want Heaven to get
its digs back - which means that you'll need to come up with a good way of
doing it. Personally, I'm a strong
believer in 'go with the strangest idea that your players came up with,
properly tweaked of course so they'll have to sweat a bit for it'. I would recommend, though, that you do try
to restrain yourself from ending the campaign by having a PC pull the Holy
Light-Bulb's power cord out of the Throne socket, thus revealing...
"Old Man Kronos!"
"And I would have gotten away with it, too, if
it weren't for you meddling celestials!"
Then everybody can go back doing what they were
doing before this mess started.