Foreskins of
the Archangels of the Four Quarters
No, of COURSE they're not real! The idea that they could be... I mean,
one of them would be from an Elohite,
remember? Not that Seraphim, Malakim and especially Ofanim
would be, ah, equipped to make a contribution to these relics, but at least
they have analogues -
What? What
does the 'analogue' for an Ofanite look like?
Sorry, but a proper description requires more dimensions than are
commonly perceptible by mortal eyes.
Anyway, these relics - and, mind you, there are
quite a few; it's estimated that there are enough items purporting to be the
one for the Archangel of the East Quarter alone to fully cover a bed* -
apparently got their start in the European medieval period, a time where just
about anything that could be seen as a holy relic became one. Some of the examples might seem mildly
gruesome to modern eyes, but that's cultural relativism for you; besides, in
this case they had to call these things something, and 'Foreskins of the
Archangels of the Four Quarters' works better than 'weird-looking pieces of
vaguely translucent matter that protects from elemental damage'.
I thought that'd make people perk up.
Generally speaking, these items add levels of
Protection equal to that of their own level, against one broad type of attack,
plus a general immunity (+4 to the relevant roll, should it matter) to certain
types of damage. These bonuses don't
stack: someone with a North Quarter Foreskin/3 and a North Quarter Foreskin/1
would only receive the larger bonus. On
the other hand, a Foreskin has no effect on one of a different Quarter.
Gabriel (North Quarter)
The protection is for Fire and flame damage, of
course. However, the general immunity
for someone holding a North Quarter Foreskin is towards an unwelcome attempt to
be calmed down.
Michael (East Quarter)
This is pretty much a kinetic damage soak: anything
of Earth (which means solid physical matter, in this context). It should be noted that finding an East
Quarter Foreskin that's above level/2 is just about impossible.
Uriel (South Quarter)
Why Uriel would be
associated with an item that protects against Water attacks (and prevents
hypothermia) is a mystery, although more than one bitter ethereal is willing
enough to call him a cold fish, even for a Malakite.
Raphael (West Quarter)
On the one hand, Air attacks are uncommon among
mortals; on the other hand, attempts to instill fear and panic are not, so the
relic's ability to defend against both is well prized.
As a general rule, the
Seraphim Council might be a bit more hostile about these items if any of the
principals associated with them cared more.
As it is, Raphael's dead, Uriel's gone,
Gabriel's mad and Michael visibly tuned out everything after 'kinetic damage
soak' - so angels and Soldiers of God can have these, no worries. A demon in possession of one had best keep
quiet about it, of course, and you'd think that Sorcerers would have figured
out by now that collecting one of each Quarter and using them in a theurgic ritual to summon an Archangel would either not
work - or, much worse, works just fine (remember, dead, missing, crazy or
Michael) - but apparently not. As to
where Foreskins of the Archangels of the Four Quarters came from; well, there
are people engaged in researching that question right this very moment. They'll issue a report as soon as they have
real data, although they have already determined that asking Michael for data
invariably gets just a leer in response. Also, a friendly ti... ah, 'suggestion'? Asking Gabriel is strictly contraindicated.
Trust them on that.
Cost: 4/level.
Many Foreskins also have special enhancements and limitations, usually
involving durability and ease of recognition.
*It cannot be confirmed that upon hearing this the Archangel of War frowned and said, 'So where's the
other half?' - mostly because the standard Seraphic response to being asked to
confirm the Truth of said rumor is to roll themselves into a ball and make loud
"la-la-la" sounds until the questioner goes away.